Barf-O-Rama: How to cope when a stomach virus hits your house

On Sunday night we were up all night with a vomiting toddler. Tis the season. Aside from pregnancy, dealing with stomach bugs has always been my least favorite part of parenting. I've suffered from emetophobia (a phobia vomiting) all my life and having kids certainly exposes me to that fear on a regular basis!

My biggest fear these days isn't dealing with a sick child in itself, but the idea of myself, my other child and my husband all catching it and being ill at the same time with nobody to help out. I've seen it happen to other families countless times, so I do everything in my power to prevent it from spreading once it's in the house. Here is how I cope...

While they are still getting sick

For a baby/toddler I lay a large towel across the crib. Every time they throw up I toss the messy towel into the laundry and lay down a clean one. This is much easier than constantly changing the sheets (or worse, running out of clean ones).



Keeping a toddler in a crib or playpen keeps them from wandering around the house wiping germs on everything, or from touching their healthy siblings. I do this until I'm sure they are done vomiting. For my older child I lay her in bed or on the couch with a bucket lined with a plastic bag. Every time she gets sick I just replace the bag.

After handling vomit I wash my hands thoroughly with soap and hot water AND sanitize using a foaming hand sanitizer containing benzalkonium chloride in concentrations of 0.13% or more. Wet ones also contain this concentration. Alcohol based hand sanitizers DO NOT KILL norovirus, the virus responsible for most stomach bugs.

Please don't tell yourself 'I don't have to worry, I got the flu shot'. The flu shot does NOT protect against stomach viruses. The flu is a respiratory virus (influenza) causing fever, aches, headache and cough and the 'stomach flu' is caused by norovirus, which is a completely different illness that does not currently have a vaccine. It's massively contagious and has an incubation period of 36 hours. That means most people tend to get sick a day and a half after being exposed.

It hasn't been proven, but drinking large amounts of grape juice around the time of exposure can cut down on the risk of catching it. But if it doesn't work it would be horrible to barf back up all that purple liquid!

Once they have stopped vomiting for good

Wash your child! Get them in the tub and wash their hair, hands, face and body with a good soap. Scrub their hands well! Once you drain the water rinse out the tub with the shower to make sure all of the germs are washed down.

Mop any hard floors they have been sick on with bleach. Make sure you use a new bottle, an opened bottle isn't as effective. If they have thrown up on carpet make sure you steam clean it or scrub it with bleach solution. Norovirus can live for up to 2 weeks in carpet.

In any room that someone has thrown up in, wipe down the walls, surfaces, crib slats, etc. with lysol wipes. Projectile vomit sprays invisible droplets up to 15 feet and remains living and contagious on hard surfaces for days sometimes.

Wash any soiled linens and clothing in hot water and dry on hot heat. Wipe out the inside of the laundry basket with a lysol wipe or solution to kill any germs that may have been on the linens before putting the clean clothes back in the basket. You don't want to contaminate the clothes you just washed!



For any stuffed animals that have been caught in the crossfire I put them in a mesh lingerie bag and throw them in the washing machine. If they are the singing kind full of wires and batteries I give them a sponge bath with dish soap, hot water, wash cloths and a toothbrush. I either put them in the dryer or hang them to dry. Any toys that aren't completely sterilized should be kept aside for a couple weeks so no living germs remain to infect other children in the house.



If an older child (or adult) has been sick in the actual bathroom MAKE SURE YOU CHANGE THE HAND TOWEL AND TOOTHBRUSHES IN THE BATHROOM. I actually keep my toothbrush in my bedroom to avoid this and keep my own hand towel in another room to dry my hands on.

Over the next week or two

Your child with still be shedding large amounts of the virus in their feces, so be extremely careful when changing diapers. Wash and sanitize your hands as thoroughly as possible after every change. This will be extremely challenging if the vomiting turns to diarrhea. I try to bathe them after a very messy change, but keep in mind that can just end up covering their entire body in germs. Make sure you clean their hands AFTER their bath.

Your child will be extremely contagious for 48 hours after recovering, very contagious for 5 days after and potentially or mildly contagious for up to 2 weeks after. Please don't be that asshole who brings your child to a birthday party or event the day after they've been sick because they are 'all better'. You're pretty much going to infect everyone there, and yes, people will blame their own miserable experience on you for the rest of their lives.

If you end up catching it too

Take the same sanitary precautions yourself, especially if other members of your family haven't been ill. Whatever you do, don't prepare food for people outside your family. This goes double for any uncooked foods such as salad or cake frosting. If you make a veggie platter for a school party or a batch of cupcakes for the school bake sale you are very likely to infect a large group of people. Most outbreaks of food poisoning are actually caused by someone who was recently sick handling large amounts of uncooked food. Once again, just don't be an asshole.

Hang in there, spring is coming soon.

That smells awful! 7 tips for cooking with morning sickness

During both my pregnancies the worst symptom by far was the smell aversions. It would kick in long before I even got a positive test, that unmistakable bionic nose that could smell someone smoking a mile away. It was awful.

While the smell of cleaning products and toiletries topped my list, I also had issues with food smells. During my first pregnancy it wasn't so much of a problem- I didn't feel much like eating in the early days and my husband could fend for himself. I gave him an earful the morning he decided to fry up a big batch of onions and eggs without telling me first, but otherwise we made do.

Second pregnancy... not so much. The second time around I was so much sicker, yet I had a small child to care for and feed, one with a big appetite. I had a husband who took over so many other household duties for me after work that he didn't have time to cook anymore, and I myself was still breastfeeding and needed to eat badly. Like it or not, I had to cook. Here are some tips I discovered on how to survive cooking for your family when the smell of everything is making you retch.

1. Get powdered.



The smell of garlic or onions frying is usually delicious, but when you're pregnant it's not only awful, it permeates the entire house for days. I discovered that while not exactly gourmet, that substituting with onion and garlic powder in recipes gave it similar flavor but created no extra smell.

2. You can cook outside the kitchen.



The kitchen is the hub of the house, and smells can travel everywhere from it. I started setting up my slow cooker in the basement to cook meals and the smells didn't reach the rest of the house. You can plug in a toaster oven or slow cooker, or use a camping stove in other parts of the house such as the basement, garage, back deck or even an out of the way bedroom.

3. Eat more meatless meals.

Meat is the biggest culprit when it comes to pregnancy smell aversions in the kitchen. Meatless meals not only smell less, they are also less expensive and often packed with fiber. I made a lot of bean burritos while pregnant.



4. Make your side dishes at home but outsource your meat.

We bought a lot of rotisserie chickens during my pregnancies. They are inexpensive and you can make a lot of things with the leftover meat. I had no trouble cooking the side dishes to go with them which kept costs down and was much cheaper (and healthier) than buying an entire take out meal.

5. Get grilling.

I was unfortunate to have my first trimesters in the winter (the only downside of having summer babies), but many friends who had morning sickness in the summer made the most of their BBQ to keep the smells outdoors.



6. If you're TTC, consider getting a head start stocking your freezer.

As soon as we started trying for our second daughter I started cooking up huge batches of meat to freeze. I roasted chickens to pick apart the meat, fried up ground beef, grilled chicken breasts and then stored it all in the freezer to use when the morning sickness kicked in. If you get pregnant instantly like I did you're all set, if it takes you a few months well you've got lots of meat in there for quick and easy dinners!



7. Try poaching

If you find yourself pregnant and sick without any advanced warning you can always do what I did the first time around and poach your chicken, then add it to recipes after. This cuts down on the smell by a lot. Just boil the chicken until it's cooked and then chop it up and add it to whatever recipes call for chicken. I make so many things using chicken breasts!

Hang in there! The aversions won't last forever and soon you'll get to the fun part- the cravings!

Let's lay off the sugar already

Yesterday afternoon my 4 year old daughter came home from school with a paper bag full of Valentines. When we dumped out the bag on the living room floor to look at them I heard the familiar sickening thunk. It wasn't so much a pile of cards as it was a giant pile of candy.



I wasn't surprised in the least- this is the 3rd year in a row it's happened. At both preschool and daycare she also received a similar haul. Somehow it's not enough anymore for kids to just give cards, and adding a sticker no longer makes it special. Most boxed cards now come with an attachable lollipop, and most mothers also go the extra mile and stick a grab bag of candy to each card. What was once a simple holiday for exchanging cards is now another giant sugar fest. I wonder how every Hallmark holiday has become associated with candy? I guess it kind of just crept up on us.

I am not a stickler for perfect nutrition. Everything in moderation right? But it becomes a bigger problem when 'just a little treat' becomes so frequent and commonplace that it's not just a little treat, but hundreds of little treats trickling in at an alarming rate.

School is the worst culprit, and it's not just the goody bags going home on Valentine's day, Christmas, Halloween and Easter. Last year in preschool and this year in kindergarten they celebrated children's birthdays. In class sizes of 25-30 this has meant at least one birthday a week, complete with cupcakes slathered in frosting and topped with various candies. Her preschool was also very big on celebrating both traditional and made up holidays. They not only had parties (with cupcakes!) to celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and St. Patrick's day, they also had days to celebrate all the colors (blue, green, yellow, brown, white, red, ect) complete with appropriately colored cupcakes and treats. When it was finally over? My heart sank when I watched a parent walk through the door carrying an enormous tray of multicolored cookies and cupcakes for 'rainbow day'.



I can always tell when they've been 'celebrating' at school. My daughter does not handle large amounts of sugar very well, and on those afternoons she's always very irritable, high strung and short tempered. It does not make for a fun evening.

Why are other parents doing this to the rest of us? Because some of them are really nice people who want to do something nice for the kids, or they don't want their child to be the only one left out on their birthday, or they think that it's expected of them and they don't want to look bad to everyone else. The expectations to attach sugar to every holiday have escalated and gathered with momentum to a point where people don't know how to stop it anymore.

Outside of school it's almost as bad. My daughter gets invited to a couple of birthday parties a month, complete with cake, treats and goody bags full of candy and toys at the end. After these events she melts down into a hysterical screaming monster. On Halloween they go trick or treating- sometimes twice- because there is now a daytime option at the mall and a night time option in the neighborhood. They go to the Santa claus parade where handfuls of candy are thrown at them from every float and organization passing by. My daughter threw up after this event.



Christmas isn't just celebrated as a single holiday anymore, it's now a 2 month season with constant parties with friends, family, neighbors, work, school and other places in the community. Every single one of these parties is packed to the hilt with candy and baked goods.

Then it trickles in from so many other sources- from her soccer class on the weekends, from her school bus drivers, from the bank, from stores at the mall, from restaurants, and even from visits to the doctor's office! There is a bowl of candy at the ready to hand to children at any given time in nearly every business place these days.

After all this, there is still our family. Because their Nana wants to take them out for an ice cream with her on the weekends. Because we celebrate birthdays within our extended family, so they get a slice of cake for every cousin, uncle, aunt, parent, sibling or close family friend and they get a dessert for every holiday we celebrate together with their cousins.



As their mother this makes me sad, because after all this sugar coming at them from the outside, when do I ever get the chance to bake with my daughters? To buy them a treat to give to them myself? To make them the special cookie recipe my own mother used to make for us growing up? Almost never. Someone else has already crowded me out.

Let's also take into account something far more serious than temper tantrums and upset tummies. Half of all children born these days will develop type 2 diabetes at some point in their lives, a totally preventable yet terrible disease. I am doing everything I can in my own home to make sure my daughters are not part of that horrible statistic. I prepare them fresh healthy meals and snacks and send my daughter to school with healthy lunches. I'm not happy that despite my efforts, society begins to shovel sugar down their throats before they are even out of diapers. After the age of 1, any child appears to be fair game, in 'moderation'.

Well moderation no longer exists. Our children live in a culture so saturated with sugar that most people don't even notice how bad it is. But many of us do, and we feel powerless to stop it. We've tried talking to the schools, but the teachers don't want to upset the other parents. We've tried talking to the other parents, but they get hurt and defensive because they were only trying to be nice. We try hiding it from our kids, but it feels dishonest. We try talking them out of it, but their biology screams at them to want it and it's hard to have someone else outright give it to them in the first place and then take it away.

I deal with it by making sure that everything I give them is real and whole and packed with nutrition. I try to give them healthy attitudes and habits toward food in hopes that they will learn more from me than from the outside world. I keep searching for other answers, for other mothers who feel the same way and I keep holding out in hope that something will change. But I know that it will probably only get worse.

I'm begging you, please stop feeding so much sugar to my children.

7 things I really miss about life before kids

We're in the midst of one of THOSE weeks. The kind full of fevers and crying and waking up 10 times a night to tend to sick children. The kind where you completely run on empty. It's at these times when I remember the way things were 'before' and really REALLY miss some things. Especially...

1. Sick days.



There is NOTHING I miss more about life before having kids than this. Before kids when I would wake up with a nasty cold or flu I would call in sick, get back in bed and sleep all day. The only times I would get up would be to use the washroom or perhaps make some soup or tea.

Now? Tough luck. You can't tell your children 'Hey, I seemed to have picked up a bug, but don't worry, I'll try to make it in tomorrow if I can'. You HAVE to get up. You have to deal. You feed, and change and chase them around all day.

I've nursed a baby and held a plastic bag while I had food poisoning. I've nursed a toddler after vomiting all night with the stomach flu, feeling myself dehydrate to the point of pain. I cradled a newborn around my IV line when I was hospitalized with bacterial meningitis so I could feed her protective antibodies. Even if your job forces you to come in sick, you can always go home and sleep it off overnight. But for me there is no night anymore. That feverish crying baby needs me and she doesn't know that I'm sick too.

The cruelest part is that while having kids takes away sick days, you end up getting sick more than you ever have in your life. They bring home every germ, infecting the whole family with things you didn't even know existed before. Having more than one child makes it worse- my oldest daughter gets it first from school, then infects her sister, father and I all at the same time. So we end up with one healthy child running wild, a sick baby to tend to and 2 useless parents.

2. The deep end.



I love swimming. We live across the road from a public pool and I try to go there with the kids as often as I can in the summer. It's fun, but it's just NOT the same. I always have someone in my arms. I'm constantly on high alert making sure nobody runs off and falls in. I'm always making sure nobody has just pooped or vomited in the pool (my kids in case we need to make a run for it, or someone else's so I can make sure my kids don't ingest it.)

I often stare longingly at the deep end in the pool. I remember what it's like to jump off the diving board, to go underwater, to float aimlessly, to lay on a towel and read, feeling the breeze on my back. It's been a long time since swimming has included any of those things.

3. Eating junk food during the day.

We want our kids to grow up eating healthy foods, so this is what we try to eat to set a good example:



It's not that we don't love these foods, and feel great eating them. But still, we get hungry. And the second the kids are in bed we want this:



Back when we could eat whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted to, we ate a lot less junk. But now when evening rolls around we JUST CANT HELP IT! Forbidden fruit (or in our case cupcakes) are always more tempting.

4. Weekends.

I've never been a huge party animal, but I always enjoyed my weekends. Before kids my husband and I went to a lot of restaurants with friends, to movies, on long bike rides. We went on day trips and overnights to other cities, we hosted food themed parties for all our friends. Every second of the weekend was OURS and we could do whatever we wanted. We try to do as much of that as we can with the kids in tow, but obviously it isn't the same. We have minimal babysitting options so we manage to make it out alone together about twice a YEAR, instead of twice a week.

This is what Saturday night looks like in our house now:



5. Looking out for #1.

I remember when I only had to worry about feeding and clothing myself. It took so little time! I would cook something that lasted for days, wash a few dishes, do a load of laundry maybe once a week. Once I met my husband it didn't change- I cooked for both of us, he did dishes and his own laundry. It was SO easy. Now? I do laundry every day. I am constantly washing dishes and preparing food. But the hardest part is constantly cleaning up this:



and this:



and this:



Some days I feel like I spend ALL my time cleaning up after other people. I'll be cleaning up one mess and they will be making another one faster than I can keep up.

6. Doing things without asking permission.

Before kids: Take a shower. End of story.

After kids: 'Sweeeeetie??'

'Yes?'

'Can I take a shower?'

'NOW?'

'I really smell.'

'But you just went to the grocery store by yourself. I need to go do my laundry and then mow the lawn.'

'Please???'

'Ok, but only if you let me have 20 minutes to eat lunch by myself later.'

'Deal.'

Before having kids I had NO idea the kind of fierce negotiations involved with your partner in EVERYTHING you want and need to do. Time alone is rare currency that needs to be well spent. Using it to do necessary chores offers some leverage but still counts against you. I never, ever in a million years ever thought I would ever need to ask my husband permission to poop. But here we are.

7. Running to the store.

Before I had kids and I ran out of something, I could just zip out the door quickly and run to the store. If I had a craving for a slice of pizza I could wander down the road and grab one from the pizzeria. I could even take my sweet time. Now I have to be VERY careful that our house is well stocked. You can't ever leave your kids home alone, you have to drag them with you. But even then they might be sleeping, or sick, or require many many articles of clothing just to leave the house. It will take you 10 times longer to walk or drive there. Most of the time it's just not worth the effort.

The funny thing is that despite how much I miss these things, the reason I usually think about them isn't because I'm miserable, but because the opposite is true. I remind myself of the things I will have to look forward to again in a few years not in envy of my past self, but as a consolation prize for my future self for when these current days are over. Because as much as I loved the freedoms of life before kids, I know I'll never miss any of those things half as much as I'm going to miss the the things like this:



Or this:



Or how sad I'll be when something as simple as this isn't the most exciting thing in their world.



It will break our hearts when hanging out with us is no longer their favorite thing to do, because we're not longer the coolest people in the universe anymore.



So yeah, someday I'll once again be able to enjoy a sick day in bed, a solitary swim and a movie or dinner with my husband whenever I want. I'll have an easy to clean house, the ability to go to the store whenever I want. I'll be able to sit down in the middle of the day and eat a cookie in plain sight. I won't have to beg permission to take a shower as if it were a week in Vegas. Things will get easy again all too fast, and that makes me very sad. I know it has to come some day, but I'm just not ready for it yet.

For the introverted mother

Last year when I was really struggling just to make it through each day, I was comparing myself to too many other mothers around me without realizing that their circumstances were different. Recently I realized it went beyond a lack of extended family help, or the use of a car during the day or many of the other obstacles I work with. I think the biggest challenge I face is that I am an introvert.

Introversion isn't simply about being shy- many introverts, myself included, aren't shy at all. I enjoy social events and the company of other people, just as extroverts enjoy quiet time alone. The difference is in how we're wired to recharge our batteries. An extrovert feels refreshed after spending time interacting socially with others, while an introvert needs solitude to fill themselves back up again.

When I first became a mother, it was still easy to meet all my introverted needs. In the beginning, the symbiosis between mother and baby is so great that being around them feels like being alone. They are simply an extension of yourself. They don't talk, they sleep a great deal of the time and they can be put in a stroller or carrier for long walks whenever you feel like it. It becomes harder when they start walking and talking, but even then the afternoon nap is sufficient to get that time you need.

My oldest daughter stopped napping altogether when she was 2 1/2. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. I managed to make things work for the next year with a combination of 'quiet time' in her room and part time preschool, but things started to unravel when my daughter decided to fight quiet time with everything she had. I was already physically exhausted, but it was the mental exhaustion that was really killing me. I was giving and giving all day every day, but without any peace and quiet I had nothing to fill me back up.

My extroverted friends joke about needing 'me' time, but for them it means a girls night out, a trip to the spa, or a glass of wine and trashy tv after the kids are in bed. I have a very supportive husband who would be more than willing to help me out with any of those things, but what an introvert needs is something that is incredibly hard to provide to a mother of very young kids on a regular basis. I need complete and utter silence, and I need it every single day. Otherwise, I completely go to pieces.

People who don't understand what it's like to be an introvert think we're being dramatic, or wimpy, or selfish. They don't understand that some people are wired in a way that makes them need silence almost as much as they need air, water, warmth or food. They don't understand how much we struggle to function when we don't get it. After a couple days without time alone, I start to get irritable. If it goes on for an extended period of time I start suffering from feelings of extreme exhaustion and anxiety. I start having panic attacks both during the day and in the middle of the night. The longer I go without it the more it takes to even me back out again. A small daily dose of quiet is much more effective than a huge chunk after things have gone too far. Prevention is always better than trying to fix it after the fact.

My oldest daughter goes to school full time now, and my youngest is a great napper. When that daily dose of silence was added back into my life I felt an incredible surge of energy, happiness and well being. Because I am able to get that time during the day again, I'm spending much more time with my husband in the evenings instead of hiding with a book in another room. I'm more patient with him and the kids because my own needs are finally being met.

Small children are demanding and they are loud. When you've spent the entire day giving and giving and are drained to the last drop, it's hard to be there for your spouse as well, but it's also important that you are. As an introverted mother you need to learn how to get what you need so you can still be there for (and enjoy) everyone else. Here are the things I've picked up along the way.

1. Get your 'stuff' done while the kids are awake.

In the early days I used to spend nap time or time when my husband took the baby out to cook and clean and do laundry and then wonder why I felt so exhausted and miserable about it. Now unless I have a burning desire to do housework (which almost NEVER happens), I make sure I get things done when the kids are present. I get them to 'help', I speed clean the kitchen while they sit eating their afternoon snacks or breakfast, I run and throw in a load of laundry when they are mesmerized by a toy. The second they are asleep or not home I am OFF duty and I am only allowed to do something I find relaxing, which in my case is usually reading a book.

2. Leave if you have to.

Sometimes it's easier to leave the house for silence than to kick everyone else out. Instead of getting my husband to watch the kids so I can go out for drinks with friends, I go for long walks alone, swim laps at the pool, run errands or even see movies by myself.

3. Divide and conquer.

We often each take a kid. If I need some quiet I take the baby for a long walk in the jogging stroller or he takes the 4 year old out to visit family and friends while the baby naps.

4. Realize you don't need to be there for everything.

Like most introverts, I'm married to an extrovert. Every weekend, if we don't have plans, he's running through his phone book looking for people to get together with. I used to think I had to do everything, now I pick and choose. He often takes the kids out to brunch with his family and I stay home and rest. I'm there for all the many holidays and celebrations with them, which I enjoy, but I no longer feel the need to show up every time they want to go out for pancakes.

5. Be clear about what you need and negotiate.

My husband now understands that while he wants to spend his free time playing music or soccer with his friends, I want him to take the kids out for the afternoon so I can have a totally silent house. You have to let the people in your life know what you need the most and work out exactly how and when you can get it.

6. Make the most of quiet time.

My oldest daughter is in full time school, but that still means she's off on holidays for the whole summer, 2 weeks at Christmas, spring break, PD days and various other holidays. I make quiet time work by saving certain things to be ONLY for the times when her sister is napping. I make special snacks in advance, bring out toys with small pieces that are off limits when her sister is awake, give her sheets of stickers from the dollar store, make popcorn and put on a movie, ect. It's not as relaxing as being home alone with a napping baby, but it does allow me to catch small doses of quiet in between her demands and questions.

7. Think twice about spacing.

If you're an introvert then having several children back to back is probably a terrible idea. Even if all of them continue to nap right up until they start school, getting them all to sleep at the SAME time is supposedly quite a feat. Having one at home and one in school is ideal, but also having them close enough in age to play together is very useful as they get older. I did a 3 year gap, which seemed to be the best possible balance between those two factors, even if I had to go through a VERY rough patch to get to this point.

I often miss adult interaction and time with friends as well, which are very hard to come by when you're a mother with young kids. I can't imagine how hard it would be to NEED those things in the same way an extrovert does. I think the important thing is to realize that mothers have different needs, and instead looking down on those differences we should recognize that neither type is being selfish, that the main reason we're trying to recharge our own batteries in the most effective way is so that we can continue to be there for our families. We fill ourselves up so that we can fully be there to give ourselves to them, to enjoy them, to be present in the fleeting moments we have with our small children. If I am a better mother if I can live a part of each day in silence then I don't see anything wrong with trying to make that happen.

A message to those without children about buying gifts for kids

(or please think before you buy...)

This weekend I got caught up in the sales and ended up buying all the gifts for our 3 nieces and several family friends. As I got home and admired my bounty it occurred to me how much I had learned about gift giving to children since actually HAVING kids myself, but also how much I wished those without kids knew what I know now before they showered our kids with their good intentions.

So you don't have kids. Maybe it's because you haven't had them yet but plan to or maybe you like them when they belong to someone else but don't actually want your own. Either way you're that fun aunt, uncle or family friend who gets great joy out of buying things for the children in your lives. You have big hearts and great intentions and we know that and don't want to burst your bubble. But these are the things that parents wish they could say to you....

Things that we really don't want you to buy our children

1. Stuffed animals.



This is only half of them. My oldest child is only 4 years old.

It started the moment I got pregnant- people started buying stuffed animals 'for the baby'. I totally understand the desire to do so- I did it too before I had kids. But keep in mind that kids only really take to one or two of them and the rest pile up (and pile up...). The number I received during my first pregnancy would have held both my kids over for their whole lives, but they only increased in numbers once the actual kids were born. Not to mention the ones my husband and I both saved from our own childhoods for 'when we had kids some day'. Take it from me- parents hate the things. And the kids? There is that one stuffed animal that will become their velveteen rabbit, and it could be yours. But you would have better luck playing the lottery with those numbers.

2. Toys that sing in THAT VOICE.



Anyone with kids knows exactly what I'm talking about. IT'S LEARNING TIME! YOU'RE MY FRIEND! GOT MY NOSE! (HONK HONK!). To be on the safe side, just don't buy anything that sings or makes noise. If you don't believe me, try playing it 25 times when you're hungover and you'll reach the tip of the iceberg as to how it feels to have one of those things in your house for FIVE YEARS.

3. Anything with lace, ruffles or buttons.

I know you think it's ADORABLE. You think we will too. But what you don't know is that they will wear it once for an obligatory guilt photo and then be put back in the closet. This is because these things are 1. a pain in the ass to put on them. 2. incredibly uncomfortable for the child and 3. completely impractical to wash. Kids are a giant mess of bodily functions and wearing something like that for longer than 5 minutes is bound to end badly.

4. Candy.

But kids love candy right? Um yeah. But what you don't see is that after you go home they end up crying or puking or both. We try SO hard to feed our kids healthy foods and they are constantly bombarded with junk food. Please don't add to the problem.

5. Seasonally inappropriate sizes.

Sure that sun dress you bought is GORGEOUS. But it's going to have to be GORGEOUS on some other kid because by the time they're the right size for it it is going to be snowing outside. Keep in mind that all children are different sizes regardless of age and all brands of children's clothes are completely arbitrary in sizing.

6. Shoes for babies.

My girls had about a dozen pairs of shoes. They never wore any of them because babies have strange shaped feet and kick everything off instantly (except the leather ones like robeez. Those are the best). If you have a thing for shoes please wait a few years and buy them for a 5 year old who keeps wearing them out or losing them at school. They are still small enough to be cute but they are SO needed. I promise the parents will love you for it. This also applies to newborn outfits. They fit into those things for about 5 minutes, but they can wear some of the larger toddlers sizes for YEARS sometimes.

7. GIANT toys

If it's too big to bring over without a car, it's too big to give to other people's kids. The floor space in our house is in very short supply and WE like to be the ones to decide what occupies it. The sheer amount of gear that comes with babies and children is overwhelming, and unless you live in a giant mansion you're constantly fighting to find room for it all. Please buy something small enough to fit in a drawer or on a shelf.

And PLEASE don't combine #1 with #7 and buy something like this:



So what do you buy if you can't buy all those wonderful things? There are PLENTY of things that we would LOVE for our kids.

Parents love when people give THESE things to our kids

1. Pyjamas.

If you want to buy cute clothing, the best bet is simple cotton pyjamas. For babies make sure any sleepers have zippers instead of snaps. If you want to know why, try this: Dress your cat in a sleeper with snaps. In the dark. At 3 am. See how that works out for you. Zippers make it faster, and when it comes to dressing squirmy babies every second counts. Simple cotton outfits work too- think onesie or shirt and matching leggings or shorts. If you're going to buy individual pieces of clothing make sure it's a very neutral color. Nothing is going to match with that green pair of pants.

2. Good quality children's literature

Go for award winners, classics or current bestsellers. Read it 6 times in a row and see if you still like it. Remember that we're going to be reading these books over and over and OVER again, so make them ones that every age will like.



3. Wooden toys.

I don't know why, but wooden toys have more appeal to children. Stacking rings, sorting shapes ,blocks, puzzles. They will play with the same pile of blocks over and over but ignore the giant plastic stuff that's much more complicated. Educational toys, art supplies and anything that will really engage them is also usually a safe bet. But be wary of play doh. Some parents hate digging that shit out of carpet and cracks in the hardwood.

4. An experience. Especially with you.

If you really want to be AMAZING to the child, while still keeping the parents happy, do something together. Take them to a movie, or a museum, or an amusement park. The child will be thrilled and remember it long after any toy and the parents would love the peace and quiet for a few hours. Everybody wins. If you're out of town a gift certificate to DO something (including lessons) is a close second.

5. An addition to something they already have and love.

More trains for their set, legos for their collection, food for their play kitchen, furniture for their doll house. Adding something new to something they have breathes new life into it without huge cost.



6. Ask.

Every child has gaps that the parent would love filled. They might have been passed down 3 coats this year but not have boots. They might need new ice skates, or hardly have any pants, or REALLY want a certain toy. Ask for needs, ask for sizes, ask for wants. A little knowledge goes a long way.

7. If the baby is too young to notice the gift (or not even born yet) consider getting REALLY practical.

Batteries. They go in SO many toys and items. AA and AAA for most, but a few C and D as well. They will certainly go to good use.

Gift certificates for places that sell everything (like walmart, costco, target, the dollar store). There is always something we need to buy last minute for the baby.

Gift certificates for food. New parents are VERY short on time and any meal they don't have to cook is VERY appreciated.

Fitted sheets. Babies (and later children) are very leaky, spewing creatures. They require far more bedding changes than we do, often at all hours of the night. We can never have enough spares.

8. Your interest in them as people.

Nothing makes kids (or their parents) happier than really KNOWING them. Ask them questions, listen to their stories (and our stories about them. We love them so much and love that you do too).It thrills them when you remember their favorite color or book or their best friends name. You're an important part of their life and the time you spend with them (or talking to them if you're far away) is really what matters to them more than any flashy toy you could ever buy them. I know it sounds corny, but it's really true.