Wednesday, March 23, 2016

My child's brain has been infected by Paw Patrol


Six months ago my three year old gave up napping completely, a full year before she was scheduled to start school.

"Help me!" I begged my friends. "I've tried everything!"

"But have you tried Paw Patrol?"

After screening a few minutes of it myself and deeming it tolerable, I sat her down in front of an episode and enjoyed my very first uninterrupted coffee in months. 23 minutes later she was already hooked on the pups and I was hooked on the sweet sweet freedom.

From that moment on she was no longer going by her given name. "No, I'm Rubble."

But it didn't stop there. Everything she wore, ate or used suddenly needed to be yellow. Except aside from two pairs of underwear, a shovel and a sippy cup she really doesn't own anything yellow.

I need a Rubble dress. I need Rubble lego. I need Rubble potatoes.

I looked online to see if any of this stuff even existed.

1. In most cases, no.

2. Holy crap, this stuff is expensive!

Eventually I found the Paw Patrol busy book. It comes with figurines for Ryder and all six dogs, along with some of the vehicles. This would exempt us from buying any more action figures, lego sets, stuffed animals or other overpriced crap because she would have every major character to play with.

The Chapters by our house said it had four copies in stock. Perfect. I arrived and wandered the store. It was loaded with busy books from every movie and t.v. show possible, but no Paw Patrol. I enlisted the help of a store employee, who also couldn't find them.

"They must have been stolen during our Paw Patrol event. Things got a little out of hand."

I looked up at her and joked "All four copies? Too many obsessed three year olds?"

She looked traumatized "It was truly awful. They swarmed the store. There were just too many of them. We're still recovering."

I looked around at the obvious mess, misplaced items scattered everywhere. I had one obsessed three year old. I could picture a mob of them. I just didn't want to.

After trying Costco and two Walmarts, I found an Indigo across town that said it had 11 copies. 11 seemed safe. I just needed to find a way to justify driving to the other end of the city to buy a book full of plastic dogs, so I scheduled a visit with a friend living in that area and figured I would just stop in the store on my way there.

I arrived at the store as soon as they opened and raced to the children's section. There was a large display of busy books but not one Paw Patrol copy. I went to find an employee only to find her already helping a woman with two preschoolers. Feeling competitive and a little panicked, I asked the woman "Are you looking for Paw Patrol too?"

She looked at me with genuine terror in her eyes. "No. But please never mention those words in front of them." and she pointed down at her young sons. She quickly ushered them away.

The book was placed in my hands at last. I sighed with relief. My daughter squealed with excitement. I'm still enjoying a hot, uninterrupted beverage daily. Life is good.

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